while scrolling through my instagram feed the other day, i came across a lovely picture of a beautiful little girl with some touching words attached. @colemarshall is one of my favorites to follow (and her husband @ryanmarshall__, too) not only for her beautiful photos of her family and their adventures but also because i constantly find something so touching in her words. they have such a love for each other and their family that it's so inspiring to me.
attached to the picture were these words: "I remember this feeling [so] clearly, the feeling of guilt before the baby comes, that feeling that I am about to rock this little persons world so hard. I love these kids so much." they hit me hard, those words, as i have been feeling so much guilt during this pregnancy.
before we decided to try and conceive again, one of the main reasons holding me back was worrying that i would be upsetting landon's life; changing everything he knows to be something completely different. it was hard to let go of those feelings and ultimately decide that really, in the long run, giving him a sibling is so important.
and so i left cole a little message, "i have that same feeling right now." and she kindly responded "you aren't alone in it. It is so strong. When I was in labor with Tessa, the guilt actually stalled me out. After I let go of the guilt I went from 3 to 10cm in 45 min. Lol." isn't it amazing what our mind is capable of? to prevent something that is so necessary from happening because of something we are feeling.
she also responded to another soon-to-be second-time mom with encouraging words: "I can't tell you how, but it's going to be fine. Even though I know it will be fine this time, I still feel the guilt. You all are going to be just fine. Your son will adapt, and so will you. Life just keeps moving and you figure it out as you go."
some wise words cole, very wise indeed. thank you for sharing your feelings with us. it's such a comfort to know that other women feel the same way.