getting fit. that's the topic for today's post. and it's a pretty darn difficult one.
for the past several years i haven't been the happiest with my weight and figure. and yet, i never really did anything about it. sure, i'd start eating healthier every once in a while but i'd eat the occasional brownie or make a batch of cookie dough and eat way more dough than i should have and eventually, i'd go right back to my bad-eating ways. and not exercising didn't help either (duh). apparently, you can't just take your dog for a walk every once in a while and maybe do a yoga workout a couple times a month and expect to lose weight. of course, i knew all of that and was still disappointed in myself.
and then i got pregnant and having a baby just adds a lot more weight. i really, truly, don't understand those mom's that don't gain any extra weight and go right back to their pre-pregnancy body a few days after giving birth. i just don't get it. it surely didn't happen for me, not even close. and to begin with, i was okay with that. i was okay because i had my baby boy and everything was great. but then, you have to go back to work and it's embarrassing when all you can really fit into are your pregnancy pants. and then working all day and coming home and being exhausted and really not getting great sleep at night anyway because your kidd-o isn't a great sleeper doesn't equal time to work out. so, not only did i not lose my pregnancy weight, but i started adding some more on, here and there.
so, after justin listened to me complain, day after day, he decided it was time to do something about it. we got a family membership to our local ymca. and you know what? i still haven't gone. justin's been going every week day and he's lost 18 pounds. he gets up at 5:30, goes and works out, comes home to shower and then heads off to work. good for him, i'm so proud of him. i, on the other hand, can't seem to find time to go. and after thinking about it for a while and talking with justin, i've realized it's not just about finding time to go. it's really about me not wanting to leave landon. ever.
i don't know if it's because i didn't get to hold him right after he was born or if he was in the nicu for so long and i didn't get to be with him then or if it's because i worked for the first year of his life and wasn't able to be with him then either. but now that i am home with him, i don't ever want to leave him. it's difficult for me to let my mom or justin's parents watch him just so justin and i can go grocery shopping alone or have a date or i can go to a doctor appointment. and it doesn't just stop there. i don't like knowing that i am leaving him, at all.
i guess in my mind, i feel like me leaving him to go work out, isn't the right thing. i guess i feel like i'm not being the best mom i can be to him because i'm leaving him, whether that be with justin or someone else. and i know that isn't rational thinking, i just can't help thinking it.
so for now, working out is kind of on the back burner. i have decided to cut out all soda and other sugary drinks from my diet, and to eat healthier (i'm giving it another go!). this time though, i'm sticking with it. i'll gradually take certain things out of my diet (i've already gotten rid of poptarts, and that was huge for me). no, i don't think i'm going to get rid of all sweets altogether but definitely cutting down on them, big time. and not eating something just because it's there. i've also stopped snacking late at night, which was another big deal for me. and stopping at a fast food restaurant, i've pretty much decided i'm not doing that any longer. and that should be easy since i'm no longer drinking soda, right?
and next week, i'm going to get up early one day (and justin has agreed to stay home with landon) and go to the gym. if only for 30 minutes. i've got to start somewhere.