the happiness this boy gives me is insurmountable.

today, i was able to do something i have wanted to do for many months now. from the moment landon was born, i knew i wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. it was my calling; it was why i was put on this earth -- to raise a child.
before i had landon, i was completely content in going to work every day (give or take a couple of days here & there). i enjoyed my job, i enjoyed the people i worked with, i enjoyed what i did. i was happy. when landon was born, everything changed. i was lucky enough to spend a full two months at home with my little boy before i had to go back to work part-time. that was probably the hardest thing i ever did, leave my little boy in someone else's care and not my own. don't get me wrong, i trusted my sitters completely. i just felt that leaving him was wrong. i wasn't doing the right thing. not long after that first day of leaving him for a couple days a week, i had to leave him five days a week. yes, it got a tiny bit easier as the days went on up until he started to realize when i would have to leave. he just knew. when i was putting my jacket on or handing him off to my mom or filling up my water bottle, he could tell that i was going to be leaving soon. he never really had separation anxiety, maybe a tiny bit here and there. i just hated that he knew when it was time to say bye-bye to mama. and that broke my heart.
today, i told my job that march 30 would be my last day working a desk job. i told them i was going to not only be a full-time mama, i was going to be a full-time stay-at-home mama. i was going to do what has been tugging at my heart for what seems like forever. I was going to raise my child, in every sense of the word.
i've got 16 more working days left. those may be the longest 16 days of my life. i will miss the people i work with, sure. i'll be able to visit them regularly (which you bet i will!) and still have relationships with them. doing this is what's best not only for my own sanity, but for my family.
i couldn't be happier.

1 comment:

  1. We are so happy for all of you Lacey. And you BETTER bring him by. We love it when he gets to visit us. He is such a wonderful little guy. You did good in choosing your sitters. They have done wonderful with him too. Such a content little one. We are excited for you too. I loved being a stay at home Mom. I know you will too.


thanks for the input!