8 weeks left

we are now down to single-digit weeks until landon is born.  and it's an exciting (& scary!) time for us both. 

last night was our second week of childbirth preparation classes at the hospital.  it was a much better class than the week before, probably because for most of it, i got massaged by my husband.  we talked about breastfeeding (more on that next week though), relaxation breathing techniques, pros and cons of pregnancy, the many positions a woman might want to try to relieve pain and watched a short film of a childbirth. 

my favorite?  leaning over a chair with husband behind me, on his own chair, rubbing my back in long, slow, strong strokes.  heaven, might just be the word to describe it.  hopefully it'll be just as heavenly when i am actually in labor. 

i'm not really afraid of labor or the pain associated with it and these classes seem to just be reinforcing that feeling for me.  which, by the way, i am very grateful for.  my husband, on the other hand, is quite frightened of all aspects of labor and these classes seem to be helping ease that, at least a little bit.  i am more afraid of the time after labor, when landon is home with us.  yes, i've been around newborns before and i quite enjoy them but i've always been able to pass them off to their own mom when they get fussy or need something.  i'm looking forward to being the mom that gets to calm her baby and everything, don't get me wrong, i'm just scared.  i'm also scared of introducing landon to ripley.  not because i think ripley will hurt him or anything, just because i think ripley will get jealous very easily and want a lot of attention.  attention that he will get any way necessary, ie. peeing in the house, chewing on furniture, etc. 

i'm also a tad bit afraid of breastfeeding.  i've always held the stance 'each mother should do what she wants. my mom bottle-fed and i turned out fine and healthy' but after a myriad of articles and people telling me that breast milk is the best, yadda yadda yadda, i'm leaning towards trying it.  i'm really not looking forward to the actual act of breastfeeding so i'm hoping that we can afford a nice, strong breast pump and that i will be able to pump instead of offer my breast.  that way, j can help out during the nightly feedings as well and it won't be as difficult of a transition for when i go back to work.

another aspect that i'm constantly worried about?  yep, going back to work.  i'm hoping to be able to take the full three months off that i am offered of unpaid leave from work (fingers crossed) but it's looking more like 2 months at this moment.  being sick as often as i have been during my pregnancy, we just don't have as much saved up for time off as we would like, and we don't want to go poor.  why do bills have to be so expensive? oh yeah, that's right, because that's the kind of life we chose to live. 

all in all, neither of us can wait until we get to hold our son in our arms and show him just how much he is loved. c:

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thanks for the input!